Perfect. I'm not sure I had the same wherewithal at that age. Do not invite them to the wedding and time to go no contact. Standing up for your fiance is the best thing you could have done, and honestly if they don't change their attitude real quick, uninviting them is definitely the best answer. They seem to have missed the point in their fun that their attempts to test your partner will also have shown him what kind of people they are! When they cry, they can be told real men meet their financial obligations or post their own bail. Obviously, OP is NTA for booting them from the wedding. OP this is a hill worth dying on. Until and unless they decide to give a heartfelt apology and change there actions I wouldnt consider wanting anything to do with them. Cut those toxic people out and go be happy with the man who loves you. Did they pay to replace his slashed tires? Send them a video of a grown man having an asthma attack. Those arent pranks, they are life threatening and criminal. Imagine what kind of "prank" they would pull at a wedding with a large audience. NTA. If my partners familt slashed my tirrs as a "test" I would have RUN from you and your toxic family! NTA, the only typical thing about this is typical mail toxic behaviour. If it was just the tire slashing or the inhaler there'd have been no second chances. Wow I wonder how manly they would be if your poor partner suffered a major attack and sadly passed. NTA. Somehow, they dont understand how serious their actions are. They fucked up. They need a lesson in what it takes to be decent human beings. Just stuck a needle in my back and tapped me like a maple tree. OP why do you let your family treat him like that? You dont realize its abuse until it's to late. Slash my tires? Id tell them since they suck so much at life they can sit at the house and play pranks on one another and if mommy wants to get involved, she can sit her ass at the house with them as well. Not slashing tires or stealing medication. It took quite a bit of analyzing past incidents and months of research into the topic before it really sank in for me. Since I assume none of them are medical professional, how exactly where they planning on testing his asthma? Strength is setting boundaries, power is enforcing those boundaries. After she hung up I asked my fiance if I made the wrong decision and je said it's my wedding and I get to decide eventually but I knew he said that because he's biased. Yup - Manslaughter for you, buddy. I can play your game, AND pay for damages. Even if I had to eat ramen for 6 months to pay for it. He was constantly belittling my efforts, my masculinity, my profession, and my art. I would hope there can be some direct communication between everyone to tide things over. Its not just bullying anymore! I dont know what they intend to prove but they only proved they are mean AH. None of those pranks are funny. He should get them all charged. You continued to expose your fiance to this bullshit and not call a hard stop to it. Ask them who was going to be the one to explain to his family if he died. He was not working and she had just retired from the military. And theyre not sorry. Those family members suck. And then expect better from family. Unless there are dramatic and unlikely changes, Tim is signing up for a lifetime of misery. They've done stuff like forcing him to play chess 4 times in a raw, secretly slashed his tires to see if he'd fix it himself like a man or get help like those "lazy" guys, They'd asked him questions like what joke he'd like to tell his future MIL, his opinions on abortion, jesus, gender equality etc. I would cut them off and not look back. They specifically use the fact he went college as a way to look down on him, and most people who do that are the same ones who think colleges are brainwashing places that take in nice, innocent, religious, straight conservative teenagers that perfectly mimic thier parent's views and opinions, all to brainwash them into being gay atheist liberals who might even have black or gay friends or worse, gasp even transgender friends. This is abusive. My husband currently has lower right back pain that shoots to his groin and the chiropractor cant fix it. OP needs to uninvite mom for defending the others as well. OP grew up with this. yeah, what kind of balanced human being needs to ask reddit if this kinda shit is ok? These arent pranks. If this happened to me I would get a text or something admitting to it, take them to court, and bail on the relationship completely. Panicking when you can't breathe is a normal reaction. The straight chess and hypothetical situations could be ruled as pranks and family making sure the new guy isgood enough(very archaic I know). My dad told me everything about their divorce and how awful my mom was. You need to take your fianc and get the hell away from the pack, because theyre already turning on you now that youre stepping out of line and it will only get more vicious. They can be the sweetest people, but they are also the most judgemental and mean to the point I have a screwed up perspective of "teasing" due to them. For some reason the other guys never prank me. She has a shitty family and needs to go to therapy to unlearn the unhealthy dynamic she grew up in. This is very petty and I dont actually recommend it, but if you really want to ram your point home just be like Im marrying Tim BECAUSE hes not the same kind of man you are lol. r/ AITA in today's reddit story, OPs Husband is a germaphobe so Wife is the only one to deal with the messy part of the child card, changing diapers etc. NTA. Otherwise leave Tim and let him find someone that will respect him enough to not let her family torture. Who wants to be treated like that for the rest of their life? Nta for revoking their invites. Just look at the way talk about him! What did they expect to accomplish? Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. That wasn't just a harmless prank, they were literally endangering the life of your fiance. I would say soft YTA for letting it go so long. but the money isnt the problem, im just annoyed with how it all happened. for months. It all feels sketchy but truly crossed the line when they put his health at risk. They went way too far. You're siblings are just pissed because now they'll be targeted. If not, then OP is out of family members that shouldn't be near them anyways. Wow your family are a complete messed up bunch of a holes.never heard of anyone doing this to any perspective son in law. 3 months from diagnosis to dead. Your male family members sound like toxic sexist AH, who love bullying under the pretense of how manly they are. I know plenty of men that cant hunt, fish or turn a wrench and you know what? And agreed, fiancee must really love OP to put up with this for so long. Family stands together always is a toxic line and enables further toxicity. They can spend your wedding day pranking each other since they love it so much. Also asthma has a genetic component, so any children Tim has could also end up developing it. Who carrys 4 plug kits? If your mom doesnt see your side dont invite her either. Yes but then he wouldn't seem MANLY to them and wouldn't have PROVEN himself if he couldn't go fix ALL 4 tires BY HIMSELF. OP has recognized that her family is toxic in comparison to the 'norm', and she's actually putting her foot down and starting to set serious boundaries BEFORE marrying her SO. Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ. I think those types of people also sometimes have some deep down feelings of envy, too, over getting degrees, but mostly they just hate that colleges help a lot of people to develop critical thinking skills and helps teens to grow up and break out of the small-town or suburb way of existing because they get exposed to lots of different people of different races and views and religions for the first time, and many find out the things thier parents said about those "others" are not true at all. Or he leaves her, and her family continues driving away every decent person until she finally ends up with someone as abusive as they are. They're the ones that have broken the trust. They're the ones that have broken the trust. At the point where youre an adult you should be able to realise that this isnt how you treat people. My relationship with my stepdad has been problematic from the very beginning. They never thought lesser of me for being a woman, or my best friend for being gay. I don't suppose they reimbursed him for the cost of replacing those tires? This wasn't them 'having fun'. NTA. Ask them who was going to take responsibility if he died. This. Shes just found her breaking point to realizing its not and her soon to be husband was the person who showed her. If it had been malicious intent, there would have been hell to pay. I was living with them and did what he wanted. I am assuming your fiance has been putting up with this out of respect for you and your family. Hiding his inhaler on a days camping trip? Canadian? Right now, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Look, it's just like those 'allergy' people. This is abuse. Plugs are only good for punctures more then an inch or two away from the sides. Also, asthma attacks can be deadly. Right? But my point stands that this is gaslighting and the AHs are so obvious its painful. For more information, please see our Just to make sure they didn't need help. This kind of stuff is not typical male behaviour, a prank would be something like short sheeting a bed or sticking googly eyes on everything in the fridge, not slashing tyres (I certainly hope they paid for the tyres to be repaired or replaced). Feeling like your body is not getting enough oxygen is a scary ass experience, one that I would never wish on anyone. Send them this article. They took Tim on a 3 day trip and hid his inhaler. Having a chronic condition doesn't make you less of a man. NTA but you allowed this to go on way too long. All these grownass dudes doing this just cannot see they're actually showing everyone how stupid they'd rather be. They will neither sit down nor shut up. His worth js as a humannot reliant on their approval or testing. Itll suck, but sounds like theyre quite toxic and you have the awareness to recognize it. My brother freaked out saying it was a prank and they were going to give it back, Dad said they'll apologize if I insist but Tim will have lost the little respect they'd gained for him and in their eyes will always be "the soft college kid" who's not up for the challenge. OP I think your family needs to sit down with a therapist. If it was me, they would be the last people on my mind to invite to a wedding." "They dont deserve your time. I'd tell your mom that you would be ashamed of your children if they acted like your dad. They are too manly to go to the wedding. They're being defensive because they can't imagine this ending in death. Because I'm sure as hell don't think it will stop at the wedding. Honestly if I were your fiance I wouldn't even want to marry into that nonsense. Thats emotional blackmail. He shouldn't have to be subjected to them for the rest of his life. Don't let his presence tarnish a day that is meant to celebrate how amazing and strong you are. Do not just uninvite them from your wedding, uninvite them from your life. Tim is being too kind. See how man enough they are for the legal system. NTA - they sound truly horrible and yeah if I was your fianc I would want them at my wedding either. So the cops and court system is the way to go here. I would consider reinviting anyone who actually apologizes to him, without your prompts. I hate when people say "this joke is too obvious to need a sarcasm tag!". AITA for uninviting my cousin, brother, uncle and dad to my wedding over a prank? This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. Get it together. The reality is that your fianc and how he feels is more important to you and none of the relatives care about either of the two of you. I absolutely hate when doctors don't warn you about a scary possibility like that. Stay strong. I bet they wouldn't laugh at any pranks that endangered their physical health. You CHOSE him and said here's the man i love and want to share my life and future with, and this is how they treat that love? You need to make your choice now, its your family - who will probably run off any other man you bring home unless they're as messed up as your family - or your fiance. They disrespected the college boy. If your cousin does want to talk, then I'd set out some serious ground rules first, but let him talk, after all if he is genuinely sorry and willing to admit he was a dick as well as apologise to your fiance then, he deserves a second chance. I idolised and adored my father to the point whereby I resented my mother. What a bunch of toxic people. What a sissy! They likely thought my claims of abuse were unfounded at best and malicious at worst. Tow it to a tire shop. NTA but that will change in a hurry if you ever expose your fianc to any of these people again. If you and Tim chance to have a son, dont let him anywhere near your male relatives. Vandalism of property. Like, Tim is well within his rights to leave this shitshow if she doesn't follow through (as he should be), but it sounds like she's been trying to get them to cut it out since the beginning and this was the final straw. For real. I've been there. Nta. Same here. OP you gotta remind your family of that point right there. Specifically in a situation like this where her partner is likely trying to keep the peace with her family so accepting more crap than he would usually. Asthma can be fatal, that's not a risk I would want to take. Youre NTA for uninviting them but you may be TA for letting your family take the disrespect are far as they have and then downplaying their actions. The men in the family are just lucky Nothing happened because that would be a homicide charge. I would stick to not inviting them. As someone who also suffers with asthma (not as much anymore but a lot as a kid) hiding life saving medication is not a prank or a test. Sounds like a bunch of dumb hicks bullying a city boy. They could've killed Tim. Youre supposed to protect him just like he is you, even if that means from your family. These people are sick, and they stay in a pack to reinforce each others sickness. Who shows you affection and makes you happy and feel loved? That's an asthma attack that could turn into a tragedy. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. Its also not a prank if not everyone is laughing. He absolutely should have pressed charges and taken OP's family to small claims court over this stunt. If I were Tim I'd be questioning the marriage with a hostile family like that. Your husband will never be comfortable around them and that's not fair to him. This post made me so mad. OP needs to go no contact with these Neanderthals if she wants to marry this poor guy. NTA, and just go NC with the whole lot - even your mom, because she clearly supports this shit. NTA. Tim isnt driving a wedge between you and your familyyour family is driving that wedge. I don't think I could stand to be around a gaggle of some Super Straight 'wHaT aBoUt InTeRnAtIoNaL mEnS dAy!?? We had multiple meetings and conversations to mend our relationship where he'd shed crocodile tears but we'd always end up having a blowout argument where he would say awful things and we wouldn't speak for months. They are astoundingly in the wrong and you are right to uninvite them. I'm almost done and it's been a lifelong dream of my mother's to have her children graduate from college. There's enough idiots in the world who would say the same things I say but actually mean what they say. NTA wtf??? Seriously. Imagine if you guys decided to have kids and they acted this way around them too? . You need to go NC. Did they pay for the tyres? I hope they compensated him for the slashed tires! I say they elope because id bet money they try to come no matter what and ruin her wedding, Lol alright, they can man up and get their ass beat by security who has been instructed to keep out the trash. Hes definitely a better person than me because I cannot imagine caring for someone who didnt cut off their family after the first couple incidents of bullying. So, yeah - man up and die for real. I know, right? OP, the men in your family are the living definition of toxic masculinity. How he didnt dip after that I just dont understand. You are NTA. you should try learning to parse tone without slash indicators. Youre asking the wrong question. Hiding inhaler is not a joke and slashing his car tires, i assume they paid money to get things right? Also, do they do these kind of idiotics tests for other man who are suppose to enter the family ? NTA! Enjoy the rest of your life with your fianc. I yelled that all 4 of them are uninvited to my wedding. Define toxic masculinity: see OPs post. Dad and his cronies are all abusive assholes. When I was little we were best friends. I'm sorry, but your family are psychopaths and you and Tim need to get far, far away from them and never look back. Also tell the four muppets that it's 2022 and it is not normal to bully the man your daughter/sister/niece/cousin wants to marry. They are crimes. Study after study has shown that men presenting with the same symptoms as women are more likely to be listened to, taken seriously, and receive appropriate & timely medical care. When I was 14 my parents got divorced. NTA OP, Stick to your guns. Exactly. What's worse is, I can see people like this waiting for future opportunities for "man tests" at family events going forward. Seriously consider it for his own safety AND for the safety of any future children. They're trying to scare him away, not test him. I was sitting down looking at daddy-daughter dance songs when I got the urge to just text and confirm he will be able to make it to my wedding. Call them out intellectually or use their fear against them they retract. Are they going to test the boys? At what point during his asthma attack would they be able to tell if he was being soft or if it was real? I can't believe he is still there. The guy: Oh, did you put it in the right spot? This is no joke. NTA but uninviting them to the wedding is the bare minimum response. He deserves better than a spineless wife but thats just my opinion. Id have bounced at the slashing tires. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. I doubt she will stand up to them further. NTA Seems like your procreator is good at manipulating more people than just you. NTA. yes this..I have asthma and have had several severe asthma attacks that if I didnt have an inhaler on hand I probably wouldn't be here typing this. Nice people don't let their partners be abused by their family. However, when Wife is changing the diapers Husband will often enter the room and insist she smile whilst doing so as it may affect the child emotional state. I f22 grew up in a family where men prank and tease each others. Same with our vehicles. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. Pranking is meant to be HARMLESS fun. Was thinking the same. Obviously Tim went on that camping trip with them for you, he clearly does not like these people. See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! Those scars leave a mark. Slashing tires? Your family sounds absolutely horrid, and you're wise not to expose yourself to their bullying. People die from asthma. These arent pranks. What they did could have KILLED your fianc. We know our own families and how to handle them already, so it just makes sense. Stealing someone's effing inhaler out in the wilderness is trying to kill that person. As a life long asthmatic I could never, ever, forgive someone who hid my inhaler and you are awesome for having your fiancs back. Timmy isn't the one driving the wedge. I scrolled too far to read this. OP and little Timmy should have pranked them back by play acting he had. It could very easily have been your fianc's literal hill to die on, withholding his medicine. She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. dad is so mad and now he's getting mom involved to get me to reconsider this decision. They are a bunch of nasty men and they have created the wedge with their ridiculous behaviour. Thats probably why theyre picking on him, because all this time he didnt just tell them to f*ck off. NTA, this is horrible. How is that funny? 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