It wasnt that I could kill someone; it was that I could kill her. Born to Burton and Miriam Raphael, Sooki grew up in Port Chester, NY and graduated from Hampshire College. Because I was trying to protect myself. Its so amazingly generous of Karl, she whispered uncertainly. She was thrilled to get the chance to work. I was already years ahead of myself, thinking of all the good Tom Hanks could do for independent bookstores. I can motivate myself without a deadline or a contract. I told her as much. I had just finished my latest novel, and on a lark of the highest order, I sent him an email asking if he might record the audiobook. In the twenty-six years that Karl and I had been together, Id never had the experience of coming home to dinner being made. I worried, and thought it was not my place to ask. Farley announced the news of his opt-out in an Instagram video saying, in part, I cannot afford to lose another parent or loved one Though the competitor in me badly wants to play this season, I cannot ignore whats going on in my heart, and I must make the decision that brings me the most peace., 2021 NFL Draft Prospect Caleb Farley Tells SurvivorNet His Mom Was Like a Superhero Before She Lost Her Battle with Breast Cancer; Heres What Got Him Through. Are you sick?. She and Ken put what mattered most in the car and started driving, waiting to see which way the wind would shift the wall of flame. She had transferred her life into brushwork, impossible colors overlapping, the composition precariously and perfectly balanced. assistant Sooki Raphael. When I look back on those first few months of the pandemic, all I will remember is recurrent pancreatic cancer. Sooki got a stool and a towel and went to sit on the back deck. We found a diner down the street from where I would be speaking. Im around if you want to talk. Tom Hanks needs a favor? The chemo, the clinical trial, the yoga and the vegetables, the prayers of nuns and all the time to paintwhat if it added up to something? No events scheduled for January 22, 2023. We would all proceed with our lives except that now we would be together. But my eye keeps going to her. And anyway, its my fault. The money behind Ron DeSantiss populist faade, What the American Academy of Arts and Letters taught me about death. The people around him arranged themselves into different configurations so that the assistant could take their pictures, each one handing over his or her cell phone. Marriage meant that he would hear out what on the surface may have appeared to be a spectacularly stupid idea. We talked about what we were reading and what we wanted to accomplish that day. This is whats been missing.. I had put a notebook and a pen beside me on the floor before we started. Our newsletter vital information, hope, and healing, delivered weekly. Most recently, she had a solo exhibition of paintings at ROSEGALLERY called These Precious Days, just like Patchetts piece. All this time Id been afraid of prying, only to discover that Sooki was happy to talk, to tell me about the bats, the sailboat to St.Barts, the desert in Tan-Tan, the surgery. . It had been languishing in a pile by the dresser for a while, and Id left it there because of an unarticulated belief that actors should stick to acting. There were no words because it wasnt about words. Copyright 2023 SurvivorNet, Inc. All Rights Reserved. The story has started without my realizing it. It doesn't say, go get a sack of Pepperidge Farm. She asked whether that was cheating and was told not to worry about it. But once we had finished that first short practice, she turned to me, blooming. Its just. She stopped. Coping with the loss of a loved one to cancer is incredibly challenging, but moving forward with the lessons your loved one shared and remembering you dont have to forget them to move forward can be a great place to start. We breathed deeply and flexed our spines. As in Patchetts first collection of essays,This Is the Story of a Happy Marriage, most of these pieces have been previously published in magazines (the New Yorker, Washington Post, Harpers) and are a blend of literature and memoir. They clearly didnt understand she intended to walk, though knowing Sooki, she probably could have carried it. . She had moved in before the pandemic. After a series of emails, Sooki comes to live with Ann and her husband . But when? And when I was young, the two things that were unbelievably expensive were long-distance phone calls and plane tickets. Its too weird., There is no weirdness left between us, I said. Facedown on a bath mat, I forced myself to take a breath. The thought of Tom Hanks benefiting from my assistance struck me as funny, and then I forgot about it. I desperately wanted to vomit, to turn back time. So what are the deadlines, days needed, etc? ), she developed a deep and lasting friendship with his assistant, Sooki. We took turns cooking or cooked together. Sookie paints and paints and paints. Books are fun! On the few mornings she didnt come up at her usual time, I imagined her sick, needing something, not telling me because she didnt want to bother me. There was no hesitation on the canvases, no timidity. It has to be one of the most extraordinary stories of lockdown how Tom Hanks's assistant Sooki Raphael, undergoing treatment for recurrent pancreatic cancer, came to be living in the basement of the novelist Ann Patchett and her husband Dr Karl VanDevender. She had been in the house for only a few minutes; there hadnt been enough time to lose anything. Shed gone to an Indian restaurant and bought bread stuffed with apricots and dates. We had just passed Stuyvesant Park when the first tower fell. She thought it would be fun for a while. Shes married, I said. She doesnt have to go to India. The rain went on for another half an hour, and when it gave up I put Sparky on his leash and the three of us went outside to wander and gape with our neighbors. This whole time Ive gotten it wrong. But after years of infections, she decided to remove her implants and go flat. Her artwork reflects a deeply personal exploration of body image and sexuality. Could I meet him at the bookstore, Parnassus, in half an hour? But I think once youre here and see the setup youll understand. I wanted Karls comfort and was glad he wasnt there. It was possible, and I had no intention of thinking about it. Patchett said she loves her home in Nashville with her doctor husband and dog. Would you feel better about it if I did it with you?, She looked at me. Hell make sure you get everything you need. When I was very nearly at the end, I came to a beautiful lake, the kind youd see on a Japanese postcard, or my imagined picture of a Japanese postcard. I find a stream and follow it, the stream dries up, and Im left to look for moss on the sides of trees. Maybe Niki was right about my life being different, but maybe thats because I tend to think of things in terms of story: I pick up a book and read it late into the night, and because I like the book, I wind up on a flight to D.C. I told him she worked for Tom Hanks, that wed struck up a little friendship over email. To the best of my knowledge, she never quit. We left early, taking into account the traffic that turned out to be eerily absent. They were lucky to get up in the morning to fly across the country so Sooki could have a pancreaticoduodenectomy, also known as a Whipple procedure. But by the time Karl and Sooki left for the airport she was happy. There she was in the passenger seat, a shy person with a quiet voice. We hadnt paid the check. In a previous interview with SurvivorNet,Dr. Anirban Maitra, the co-leader of the Pancreatic Cancer Moon Shot at MD Anderson Cancer Center, explains what he typically sees when patients develop this disease. Stranded at home, Karl studied to get his instrument rating as a pilot. Kate DiCamillo is coming later on Wednesday. I didnt worry about her embarrassing herself. I find these things go better if you just wing it. Then the two of us stepped out into the blinding light. That led to Patchett's friendship with Sooki Raphael, Hanks' assistant, and Patchett inviting Raphael to live in her home in Nashville while undergoing cancer treatment. As it turned out, Sooki and I needed the same thing: to find someone who could see us as our best and most complete selves. But all Sooki did was help me. A friend who was well versed in the experience brought them over early in the morning on Memorial Day. You two go and Ill have dinner ready by the time you get back. It was the practical solution, and so they left. Were just reading. My whole life Ive wanted this time. She repeated her gratitude and I waved it away. It seemed we had just driven through the U.S. epicenter of the coronavirus. Then youd have to park. Ive heard writers say that they write in order to discover how the story ends, and if they knew the ending in advance there wouldnt be any point in writing. She wasnt about to tell me she looked good, but it was clear what I was talking about. Out on the tarmac, I could see her again exactly as she was, resplendent in her velvet coat, her black beret. Tom and Rita were in Australia, where he was about to start shooting a movie about Elvis Presley. I need to go home, she said, looking at the pictures of herself she had asked me to take with her cell phone. I am now sitting at the airport waiting to catch a plane to my next opinion, at Sloan Kettering in NY. Im doing the best I can to feel beautiful in this new body.. Still, I wanted to double-check. She seems very nice, Karl said once we were in the kitchen. Patchett is part-owner of a bookstore (Parnassus), has a three-story house and a husband whos a longtime physician at the First Clinic in Nashville. The last few months, the oncologists were watching the numbers and Western medicine offered nothing to do but to wait and see where the cancer showed up. No outfit ever showed up twice. She was perfectly willing to talk, she wanted to, and now she was leaving in the morning. She had wanted her life to be different, and now it was. On the morning of September 11, 2001, I was sitting in a caf in the West Village with my friends Lucy and Adrian when a woman ran in and said a plane had just hit the World Trade Center. is the author, most recently, of The Dutch House. Sooki was coming as a patient, and more than a little of the work was going to fall to him. We didnt know each other, and for the most part our correspondence had come after this defining fact. The experience of waiting backstage before an event is always the same. 68 books15.8k followers Patchett was born in Los Angeles, California. Then came the moment one feels on a roller coaster just as the bar locks into place and the car starts to pull up, the body pressing back into the seat, knees out ahead, and you think, Wait a minute, was this the best. https://thespectator.com/book-and-art/ann-patchett-these-precious-days-moving-friendship-tom-hanks-assistant/, US edition of the world's oldest magazine, How Elizabeth I provoked the Spanish Armada, Prince Harrys misery memoir is a sad and lowering book, Elizabeth Taylors life was nonstop drama, Ann Patchetts moving friendship with Tom Hankss assistant, Violence and cross-dressing in post-bellum Tennessee, Good memoir-writing should be self-critical, R.B. Donations can be made in her name to Pancan.org or Seasave.org/oceanofsooki. Lets try the car.. But before her passing, she had a long career in the film industry which included her time spent as Hanks assistant before indulging her passion for painting. Sooki left messages for the doctors and put her phone at the end of her yoga mat, waiting for the call back while we practiced. Subscribers can find additional help here. The three of us were standing, back of the theater in . I wanted to know what her worst fear about staying here was, and after a pause she told me she was a vegetarian. Below is my story. That had been one of her greatest fears about coming to stay with us in the first place, that she would be unable to take care of herself, that she would be a burden, that she would embarrass herself. View Sooki Raphael's business profile as TH Assistant at Playtone. Then as the world was ensnared by a global pandemic, the two friends formed a pandemic pod. In a piece for Harpers Magazine called These Precious Days, Patchett told the story of their friendship and spoke of her admiration for the paintings Raphael created at her home. When was she first diagnosed with pancreatic cancer? Now I look like an improvised elementary school art project, and in addition to owning my permanent tattoos, I have to nurture my three little stickers and hand-drawn sharpie marks so they last six weeks. The car I was locked into was now hurtling down through a million winking flagella, every one a different color. Its just. I remember when you asked me months ago if he knew I was here and I panicked. I paid the check. No, its wonderful having her here.. Can you imagine Tom sitting at home saying, I cant believe Sooki used my connections to get into a clinical trial in Nashville?, No, of course not, Im just telling you. Karl and Sooki came in the back door together in the middle of a conversation. People die of this.. I dont have any questions, I whispered in the darkness. And it's such a funny thing. They knocked one another down like dominoes. All three of us had lost our fathers, all three of us were close with our mothers. Ann had only briefly met Sooki Raphael, Tom Hanks' personal assistant for over two decades, at an author event, but after learning Sooki was in treatment for advanced pancreatic cancer and hoping to be included in a proposed Los Angeles clinical trial, the author devised a plan. The treatments left her tired, but she was managing. As I got ready to send the details of my second opinion, I was already looking to the third opinion and rethinking the story. She said we could expect to be in the thick of things for an hour and a half, maybe two hours, with some residual effects for another three or four hours after that. She was teaching at Bennington, in Vermont, and this was the first day of classes. I walked from my hotel to the theater and showed my ID to a guard who then led me to the crowded greenroom. Ours was an ephemeral connection common to the modern world. It was so important, she said, her voice pretty much vanishing in her mouth. We talked and then we didnt. How was I going to say I was tired when she was never tired? Forgot your password? In Patchett's wildest dreams, she likely never saw a friendship blossoming later in life that would lead her to become a safe haven for a woman fighting against cancer. Theres usually a guy working the light board and the mics who talks to me for a minute, though tonight the guy talking was Tom Hanks. We werent the only ones who felt restless. She told me that part of the reason shed been hesitant to stay with us was that she didnt want to trade on Toms friendship with me. Never. When Sooki and Karl got home that night, they were elated. Youre detoxifying all your inner organs.. The next morning, we went to the bookstore early and picked out presents for everyone in her family. Still, it seemed possible I could get off the ride early by expelling the mushrooms. That I would like to meet her in the way I had wanted to meet my pen pals as a child? I know that after my last round of chemo I would sometimes get up and eat in the middle of the night, or get up early and make noisy smoothies. Paintings by Sooki Raphael. I had thought this was a story about Tom Hanks, the friendly actor-writer who had recorded my book, but I was mistaken. Sooki had downloaded it. Here she was the person she had meant to be. Marianne Cuozzo, a three-time cancer survivor, can attest to the power of art, too. Many nights after dinner, I would ask Karl where Sooki was and then we would start looking around for her. She meant me. And I had never done anything like that before. I dont drink. Maybe it had something to do with her job. It had zero spiritual component. I was packing boxes, writing cards, and making cheerful videos in which I extolled the virtues of the books I loved. I caught an early flight home. Raphael passed peacefully on April 25. We filled up the bird feeders twice a day, scrubbed out the birdbath every morning, tracked the relationship of a couple of lizards who lived in the planter on the deck. She produced a film about her fathers work teaching children with special needs. Cuozzo was first diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma in 1994 at the age of 28. Am I the person youre talking to, or are you talking to someone else downstairs late at night? They cant do the Stanford biopsy here? The ones Tom Hanks approved of were handed to me. And if I did have a favorite, I definitely would not admit it publicly. That didnt work. Still, Im able, for a while at least, to pick up the thread and walk it back. And I shared that with her when we spoke about her essay collection "These Precious Moments" (ph) last November. People were out with their dogs. assistant (as Susan 'Sooki' Raphael, Mr. Hanks) 2012 Game Change assistant (Mr. Hanks) TV Movie 2012 Larry Crowne assistant (Mr. Hanks) 2011 Big Love assistant: Tom Hanks assistant: Mr. Hanks TV Series 2006-2011 48 episodes The Pacific assistant: Mr. Hanks (Mr. Hanks) TV Mini Series 2010 7 episodes Where the Wild Things Are assistant (Tom Hanks) Remember in the future not to make assumptions. It was Memorial Day, after all. We said our goodbyes and Adrian and I walked downtown to see what had happened. But this was right, and we would all be fine. Sooki had strength and courage. This was not a two-hour journey. Everything was lit up bright, the table set. Surely there was a piece of this story she was leaving out because the next thing I knew shed sailed off with them. I dont know why I didnt have the sense to worry, but I didnt. Thought-provoking commentary and opinion on politics, books and the arts. Sooki, in her eye mask, was lying so serenely beneath the furry blanket she had brought us from California that I wondered if she was dead. feb. 14, 2020: Oh, Ann. , The Amazing Rita Wilson's New Film About Choosing Life; How she beat cancer & Became A Songwriter, 'Hot, Sweaty And Itchy' Feeling Turns Out To Be Cancer For 42-Year-Old Man-- When To Seek Help, 'Miracle Baby Girl' For 29-Year-Old Who Thought Motherhood Would Not Be Possible After Late Stage Cancer Fight, 54-Year-Old's Misdiagnosed Muscles Spasms In Shoulder Turn Out To Be Pancreatic Cancer, Apple's Steve Jobs Was Trying To Accept Powerlessness & His Place In The Universe The Newly Revealed Email To Himself, 'World's Sharpest Elbowed' Comedian Vows To Do 'Fabulous' Last Tour As Ovarian Cancer Comes Back, Transthyretin Amyloid Cardiomyopathy (ATTR-CM), Entranced by her velvet coat and kind demeanor, opted out of his position as a cornerback. We did this to ourselves, I said, or maybe I didnt say it. The Hole Story: The Piddock Clam is a Born Architect. We love you, Sooki. She looked startled. KELLY: (Laughter). She told me she had gained back the twenty pounds shed lost after the last chemo but she couldnt have weighed a hundred pounds now. I wasnt suffering the crashing waves of anxiety that battered down so many people I knewthough two hours of daily yoga and meditation also contributed to keeping panic at bay. The trick wasnt getting the mushrooms. How could I not have known? But she rarely stayed upstairs. Look at what a success this time had been! She had set up her life in the basement of our house, a place we never went. I feel like I could pop into Trader Joes and have them replaced with those happy little stickers they hand out to well-behaved childrenit undermines my confidence in the sophisticated nature of the whole process just a bit. At Harper's Magazine, author Ann Patchett relates working with Tom Hanks, through which she meets and befriends his assistant, Sooki. When I rely on my faulty memory, the pieces are free to move. When youre young youre getting high, and when youre old youre using plant medicine, like herbal insect repellent. We played Scrabble and did our yoga from memory after Karl went to bed. As I was agreeing, there she was again. Then one day she told me she was starting to shed. My goal was to maintain neutrality. I presented him with the studies from Johns Hopkins. It has to do with fearing death. She ran marathons and regularly won the Fastest Woman in Topanga title at the local Tough Topanga 10k. Her Sookis cookies recipe was famous among not just anyone who knew her, but anyone who knew someone who knew her. You can be certain that she loves the job. This is how we arrive at the next chapter of the story. Could any business wish for a better spokesperson? She was there and then she was gone and we wouldnt see her again until the next morning. But months later there he was again. For a while she filled in for a friend and was the assistant to a film director, and then another friend introduced her to Tom, who was looking for someone. She had transferred her life into brushwork, impossible colors overlapping, the composition precariously and perfectly balanced. But she could. I told them that when I was a child, my sister and I would come to the Ryman on Friday and Saturday nights with the man who was then the house doctor at the Opry. You will not be called upon to be a good guest. Niki works at the bookstore. Everything filled in. This was the closest I could come to understanding what happened to Sooki. I no longer needed the protection. How could anything have been saved? Its undeniable that money and privilege are a great help. After dinner that night, Sooki and I sat on the couch and tried to watch a movie, but her phone on its leash began to ding and ding and ding, insisting on her attention. In other essays, Patchett extols the enduring influence of John Updike, Saul Bellow and Philip Roth on her own writing; meditates on her friendship with Charlie Strobel, a priest in Nashville whom she calls a living saint; and tries to capture the flavor of her odd-couple relationship with her second husband, Karl, immortalized in the title essay of an earlier collection, This Is the Story of a Happy Marriage. As a medical doctor on staff at the Nashville hospital where Raphael was treated for advanced pancreatic cancer, he plays a crucial role in These Precious Days., Finally, theres that essay. Was tired when she was happy left for the airport waiting to catch a plane to my opinion! Here and I sooki raphael tom hanks assistant never done anything like that before memory after went. Of Karl, she whispered uncertainly personal exploration of body image and sexuality benefiting from my assistance me., there she was happy that Karl and Sooki came in the darkness beautiful in this body! 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